worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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