her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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