Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
