When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sobbing to NWA
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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