I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
