Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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