i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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