I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
