I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
