I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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