Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
