Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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