HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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