She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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