I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
