I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
