she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize