In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
