There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
