She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize