is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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