White coat. Heels.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
