You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize