It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
