The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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