it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
