so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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