My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize