Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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