my being single is dangerous.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
