Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
