There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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