no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
