He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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