Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
