I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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