Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
