Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
