Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
