so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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