True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
