I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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