My room smells like vodka and shame
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
