So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
whose ass print is on the piano?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
