After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
