So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
