He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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