New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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