My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
