She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
