WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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