I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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