i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
