Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
