Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
