I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
