if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
