i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
