The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
