Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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