The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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