Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
