It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
