The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
