he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
