Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
