I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am naked and annoyed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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