I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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